We are Heart and Sole - Meet Ben McElreath

We are Heart and Sole - Meet Ben McElreath

Written by Ben Friday, February 17 2012

A father of an angel and a part of the Heart and Sole Family.

I am Ben McElreath and this is what Heart and Sole means to me.

Everyone experiences the unexpected. For us, that was the case on July 5, 2005. We anticipated a healthy baby. God gave us a beautiful, yet very sick daughter. The days following her birth were filled with a roller coaster of emotions. We experienced love and heartache like never before. We quickly realized that we were not in control and would have to rely God and on others to help cure her ailments. Through it all, our hearts were changed and Heart & Sole was ultimately born. But I don’t think one can fully understand what Heart and Sole means to me without hearing our story:

Carrie and I were living in Macon and had been married just over 3 years when we were expecting a healthy baby. The only “surprise” was supposed to be the sex of our new baby. Carrie’s c-section was set and on the morning of July 5^th, 2005, Margaret “Bowen” McElreath was born. We were overwhelmed with joy at the birth of our girl! Shortly after birth though, the doctors recognized that Bowen was not making a complete and smooth transition into this world. Bowen was placed in the Level 2 NICU for observation and we headed to a regular hospital room without our baby. We were saddened but at that time it did not seem life threatening. Later that day, Bowen continued to struggle to take full, deep breaths on her own and was moved over to the NICU. We were overcome the next two days with both positive and negative reports of her health.

Then, the single most terrifying day of our lives began.  It was 8:00 a.m. on the July 7^th when Carrie and I were awoken in our hospital room by our friend (and Dr.) Chris Cawley and others from the NICU. From the look on their faces, we could tell instantly that things were not good. Bowen had had a horrible night in the NICU, as all options had been exhausted. She needed to be immediately transferred to a hospital where she could be placed on ECMO, which is a unique heart/lung bypass machine for children. In a matter of days, we went from the joy of the birth of a child to a last effort to save her life and heal her.

At the time, only a hospital in Augusta and Atlanta could handle and accept children to be placed on ECMO. Since we were from Augusta and Augusta’s MCG Children’s Hospital had a great reputation (and an ECMO bed available), Bowen was transported there without delay (and ahead of us). We were quickly discharged and sped from Macon to Augusta. Once Bowen arrived in Augusta, the doctors called and explained that her health was deteriorating rapidly and that she may not make it. They needed us there as soon as possible to make some critical decisions. As soon as we arrived, Dr. Robyn Hatley and Dr. Charles Howell met with us. They explained that a surgical procedure such as this one on a 5lb baby was extremely risky. Despite the risks, we had no other viable options. We said a prayer; had her baptized and elected to proceed.  The surgery was successful and Bowen became known as MCG’s ECMO patient number 333. We were obviously relieved with the success of the surgery but understood the risks and challenges ahead.

Over the next week and a half, we spent countless hours at the hospital. As she slowly progressed, we held her hand; we laughed; we prayed, and, of course, we wept by her bedside countless times. Anyone who has experienced something like this with a sick child can attest to how grueling the days and nights can be.  You embrace the good reports and dwell hearing the bad ones. As the days passed, Bowen’s heart and lungs were healing but, at the same time, the risks associated with being on ECMO also increased. Then, after more than a week on ECMO, the machine clotted and Bowen suffered a series of quick, critical setbacks. Following days of hope, her health had abruptly changed for the worse. The doctors met with us and told us they had done all they could do. We were crushed.  In the hours before she died, Carrie and I were able to hold and rock her for our first and only time. Hours later, Bowen went to Heaven peacefully in the arms of Carrie’s mother that July 18^th afternoon. Before we knew it, life had suddenly changed course and taken us to this unexpected place.

There are certain images and moments in your life that you simply don’t forget. One that will be forever etched in my mind was our drive home from the hospital that afternoon following the death our daughter. As we headed down Walton Way - our hearts heavy and broken - a rainbow appeared in the sky directly in front of us. We both took notice of it. In hindsight, this rainbow was sign of hope. It was a sign of hope for us and for others who have suffered or are suffering and face the seemingly insurmountable challenges associated with caring for children with special hearts. It was a sign from God of His promise to us and others. He had heard the cries of our broken hearts and would provide us with comfort and peace over time.

But what was the purpose of all of this suffering and heartache? What was Bowen’s life purpose? She had fully consumed our hearts and minds for her 13 days here on earth (and her 9 months in Carrie’s womb). There had to be more to this. Slowly God healed our broken hearts and allowed us to come to terms with her short life. It became obvious that He wanted her life to make a difference, as it had already impacted many, including Carrie’s sister, Stacey. Stacey had a vision and used her new found passion to create Heart and Sole. Like us, Stacey wanted to turn this tragedy into a triumph. Her passion to help children with special hearts is unmatched. She works tirelessly to provide hope to others by raising money and donating her valuable time to improve the quality of the lives of these children and their families.

Now, reflecting back on this event and our ten years of marriage, I would have never imagined that we would have suffered so much pain and heartache. But, at the same time, the pain made us stronger.  The pain ultimately planted a seed for Heart and Sole. While we may have felt helpless at one time, we were not alone. We were surrounded by loved ones; strong friends and teams of outstanding doctors, nurses and medical professionals in Macon and Augusta that all have a passion for sick children.  Everything we faced while in the two hospitals only gave us a greater appreciation for their work and dedication of their lives to help these children. Over the past few years, we have also been blessed with two other children, Benjamin (4.5 yrs old) and Hughes (2 months old).

So, while Heart and Sole means a lot to me personally, it reaches much deeper than that. Heart and Sole was created to help the children and their families who suffer by providing resources and encouragement to them and the hospital. Carrie and I now embrace our story because we realize we can help others from giving up hope by sharing our experience. He will allow great things to arise from these types of trials. His purpose for her life was much grander than ours and it is now being felt by many who likely would have never known Bowen if she were alive today. He saw potential in her that we could not imagine. She is making a difference in the lives of those children with special hearts. So, we hope you join us, our generous sponsors, and amazing volunteers and hop on board with Heart and Sole as we strive to make the world a better place.